Speechless

Wow.
Just wow.
I was woken up by my phone today.
Joel.
He told me about how he's getting shipped to Iraq early.
About how he's not coming home.
missing my graduation.
and how the next time i will see him: Jan 2009.
its only april 2008.
I cant do this.
i cant.
He was supposed to come home next month.
May 10th, 2008
We were talking and he told me he was talking with someone who has videos of thier time in Iraq...
He told me how brutal it was.
How he saw on video how this guy's torso was blown in half along with his head...
He went on to describe everything he saw
thats when i started crying.

Jan 22, 2008 might have been the last day i ever see him.
this war is pointless.
i hate this.
causes me to cry
and a lot of my check goes to gas $$$.

So i sit here with his tags in grip hoping that they will not be symbolic to what
they actually stand for. I wont see him before war. I wont see him till veteran is his classification
and honestly that kills me.

Skyler: i love you and your so sympathetic for me.
You are there for me
and i know thats its no easy because i have such a history
but he is still a best friend, and honestly you put that before my history.
you get it.
you realize that.
and no one else can.
but im sorry i spent part of our day with me laying in your lap crying.
and thank you for being there.
it means the world to me.