Confessions.

One:
Here are some things i just wanted to say.
I still hear conversation some new friends of mine still talk about. If that makes any sence. A trip they took together before i knew these people, or even connected to these people in anyway, they still talk about. Project Revolution, it makes me feel like a stranger, like something amazing i missed out on. It makes skyler feel like a stranger. I mean i know this sounds dumb, but there was so much emotional connection that happened on that trip that it makes me feel like an outsider when mentioned. I dont know why, just i think its because its a situation i cant comprehend.
Lauren and Rabbit being as close as they were, let alone lauren and skyler being as "close" as they were..Its the strangest thing to even think about..and i know every detail...at least it hope....its just all so strange to me. It dosent make me sad, it just makes me feel like i was introduced a little late.
but in the end, its a good thing because skyler and i wouldnt have been together.

But im glad i met you all.

Rabbit, i just read your blog that is your life story, it gave me inspiration to even begin to write tonight.
I wish we were closer, you seem like someone i could really get along with really well. I was glad you expressed your shady side, even if it was just through a blog. That shows me how strong you actually are..those actually in dispair..dont talk about it.

and Lauren, im glad we have a frienship..but we dont talk much anymore.
I wish we could hang out without sean for once.
you know, actually have that spa day we talk about.
but i doubt it.
no offence, im not meaning anything bad here..
just i dont think it will happen.

Two:
With Joel, i missed him. I missed him a lot for a long time, even so it toyed with my emotions and i didnt know how i felt about him. it drove skyler crazy, which i understand. I think i messed with joel's head as well, i told him my every feeling, and i think thats why he said what he did when i last talked to him....
but i went into a stage of resentment...i mean "i know its your dream, but its your fault you left, and im annoyed that you caused this to happen, i hate missing you, its annoying." You know? But then its as if i stopped missing him.
numb i think.
Im also hoping the army is going to be like "JK. we're sending you home." and he comes home and surprises me...that'd make my day. yep, pretty sure. unless i won like a million dollars or something.


Three:
Also, skyler.
What i've currently said to you.I mean it, i wish that dream i had last night was real.about being excited about june 1st other than its YOUR birthday.i love you, a lot. you make me so happy and have treated me the best a boyfriend has ever had. I dont think words can discribe what i want to say. Seriously, i can be my crazy around you...you dont know how much some things people do bother me, but i dont react...cause i'd look ACTUALLY crazy. Last night was amazing. I dont think i've ever been that [[[[ask me to finish this in an IM or myspace message]]] in a long time.
amazing. absolutly amazing.